Every day I work with leaders who ask me how they can find great leadership, great leadership in themselves, and great leadership in those around them; and they’re not asking how they become the next Mandela or the next King or the next Gandhi.
They’re asking how they in their own lives can find the moments of greatness that enable them for example to insist those who work with them, bring the best out of themselves that enable them to make a dangerous career transition.
This is what I hear them asking for; and they know that great leadership does not depend upon a few people, great leadership does not come from the person sitting next to you, great leadership comes from each one of us, and that’s what they are calling for.
What makes a leader!
For the last 20 years, the biggest question that I have worked with is how does great leadership happen? And I think I’ve realized something; what I have seen is that the essential qualities of leadership compassion, courage, humility, and fierceness come about through turning towards our experience in contact with others and turning away from it. So effectively you’re telling me that great leadership is about turning towards our sorrow, our pain, and our grief; I think I will turn to the person next to me and ask them to be the leaders; unfortunately, it doesn’t work.
Life throws challenges at us over and over and over, we are affected by the world over and over; we feel fear in response to danger, we feel grief in response to loss, we feel shame in response to the harm that we cause, we feel anger in response to injustice. And in those moments we have a choice; if we turn towards our experience, each of those emotions can be transformed.
So our fear can be transformed into courage, our grief can be transformed into compassion, our shame can be transformed into humility, and our anger can be transformed into fierceness. But if we turn away we are diminished; so how; it’s not just to say “all right I choose courage instead of fear” it doesn’t work like that; so how does it work? It works through contact and connection with others through our openness to that experience in relation to other people.
How do you transform fear into courage?
It is said that fear and courage are two sides of the same coin. This means that if you have the courage to face your fears, you will be able to transform them into something positive.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to face it and overcome it. It is about facing your fears head-on and not letting them control you. When you are able to do this, you will find that your fears will start to dissipate and you will become more confident.
The first step to transforming your fear into courage is to identify what it is that you are afraid of. Once you know what your fear is, you can start to work on overcoming it.
There are many ways to overcome your fears. One way is to exposure therapy which is where you are exposed to the thing that you are afraid of in a controlled environment. This can help you to confront your fears and start to see them in a different light.
Another way to overcome your fears is to work on your mindset. This means changing the way that you think about your fear. Instead of thinking of your fear as something that is going to harm you, start to think of it as something that can help you.
Once you have identified your fear and started to work on overcoming it, you will find that your courage will start to grow. You will be able to take on new challenges and you will start to feel more confident in yourself.
How do you transform grief into compassion?
When we are faced with difficult life circumstances, it is natural to feel grief. This may be in response to the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other significant loss. While grief is a necessary and healthy emotion, it can also be very painful.
There are many ways to help transform grief into compassion. One is to allow yourself to grieve fully. This means allowing yourself to feel the pain of your loss, without trying to push it away. It is also important to express your grief in a healthy way, such as through writing, art, or talking with a trusted friend or therapist.
Another way to transform grief into compassion is to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with the person or thing you lost. For example, if you are grieving the death of a loved one, you might focus on the happy memories you shared together. Or, if you are grieving the end of a relationship, you might focus on the growth you experienced during that time.
Finally, it is important to remember that everyone experiences loss and grief at some point in their lives. This can help you to feel more connected to others, and to have compassion for their own pain.
How do you transform our shame into humility?
When we come to a place of humility, we are able to see ourselves more clearly and honestly. We can no longer hide from our mistakes or shortcomings. Instead, we are able to face them head on and learn from them.
Shame is often at the root of our need to constantly seek validation and approval from others. We feel that we are not good enough and that we need to prove ourselves. This can lead to a cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing.
When we are able to let go of our shame, we can start to live more authentically. We can be our true selves without feeling the need to put on a façade. We can be honest about our mistakes and learn from them.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.
C.S. Lewis
True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. It’s about letting go of your ego and your need to be in control. It’s about being open to learning and growing.
If you’re struggling with shame, know that you are not alone. Shame is something that we all deal with at some point in our lives. The important thing is to not let it hold you back. Seek out support and resources to help you on your journey to humility.
How do we transform our anger into fierceness?
Anger is an emotion that is often seen as negative and destructive. However, anger can also be a powerful force for good. When channeled correctly, anger can be transformed into fierceness – a quality that can be used to achieve great things.
Fierceness is not about being aggressive or violent. It is about channeling your anger in a positive and productive way. It is about using your anger to drive you forward, to push you to achieve your goals.
Here are some tips on how to transform your anger into fierceness:
- Understand your anger.
The first step to channeling your anger is to understand what triggers it. Once you know what makes you angry, you can start to control your reactions to those triggers.
- Don’t bottle up your anger.
Suppressing your anger will only make it worse. It is important to express your anger in a healthy way. Find an outlet for your anger, whether it is talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or going for a run.
- Use your anger as motivation.
Once you have expressed your anger, use it as fuel to achieve your goals. Let your anger drive you to succeed.
- Be assertive, not aggressive.
It is important to be assertive when communicating your anger. This means being clear and direct about what you are angry about, without being aggressive.
- Don’t let your anger control you.
You are in control of your anger, not the other way around. Don’t let your anger dictate your actions. Choose to respond to your anger in a constructive way.
- Practice mindful anger.
Mindful anger is about being aware of your anger at the moment and choosing how to respond to it. This means not reacting impulsively and instead, taking a step back to assess the situation.
- Seek professional help.
If you find that you are struggling to control your anger, seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand and manage your anger in a healthy way.
The ability to motivate, inspire and influence others are just some of the qualities that make up a leader. Leaders can come from all walks of life and from many different backgrounds. There is no one formula for becoming a leader, but there are certain qualities that all effective leaders share.
The ability to communicate clearly, confidently and concisely is a critical leadership quality. Leaders must also be able to listen attentively and be open to others’ suggestions and feedback. Good leaders are able to make decisions quickly and confidently, and they are not afraid to take risks.
Leaders also have a clear vision of what they want to achieve and they are able to rally others to help them achieve their goals.